Tony Elumelu and the lady Photo: Inshot
By Victory Oghene
Spme social media users have criticised a lady who called billionaire businessman, Tony Elumelu by his first name in a public gathering. Elumelu had openly rebuked the lady who said ‘Good morning Tony’.
In a video seen by NATIONAL WAVES, the unnamed lady stood up to ask Elumelu a question following what appeared to be a presentation by the businessman.
She began by saying, “Good morning Tony…” Elumelu, who appeared visibly taken aback, smiled and seemingly pretended not to have heard her clearly.
The lady then repeated, “I said good morning Tony…,” placing emphasis on his first name while smiling.
The businessman immediately interrupted her and corrected the manner in which she addressed him.
“Okay, no, you won’t call me Tony. I am not those… You will call me Mr Elumelu or T.O.E. You won’t call me Tony, or call me chairman. I don’t subscribe to that kind of oyinbo life, okay?” he said.
The woman subsequently corrected herself, addressing the businessman properly before proceeding with her question.
Elumelu is the chairman of Heirs Holdings and United Bank for Africa (UBA), as well as chairman of Transcorp and founder of Tony Elumelu Foundation.
Netizens lambasted the lady for not aligning with Nigerian culture (Respect for elders and cultural values.)
While some viewed the incident as a reflection of changing social conventions, particularly in professional and international settings where first-name interactions are increasingly common others lampooned the lady for calling Elumelu by his first name.
While reacting to Oludare Mayowa’s post on Facebook, some users condemned the lady’s uncouth utterances.
Churchill Umoren says ‘Even in this America, we Africans feel awkward calling elderly people or your bosses or superiors, by their first names.
We say Mr or Ms even when first name is the culture’
Azuh Arinnze wrote I was alarmed when I saw it. Incredible!’
Asiwaju Opawale Enitan Seriki wrote ‘Bitch…she won’t go far’
Rotimi Atolagbe wrote ‘Very si.lly child.’
Bunmi Awoyana ‘wrote Mannerless alaileko omo kekere!! Who dey born these kain children and refuse to train them manners? Good Morning Tony!! As how, from where to where?’
Faulkanar Taiwo wrote ‘Radarada, egbe baba e…..oshisco’
Funlayo Ademola’ Adefolaju wrote ‘The lesson here is simple: respect and titles matter, especially in public and professional spaces. “Mr. Elumelu” or “Sir” costs nothing. Familiarity is earned, not assumed. It wasn’t about ego, it was about boundaries.
Omo, he corrected her sharply, but the point is valid. There’s a time and place for “Tony” and a time for “Mr. Elumelu”. As young people, you have to learn how to approach leaders with respect. The door opens faster that way. Not even “I’m sorry” after the correction. This reminds me of similar incident with MAYA ANGELO, the famous African-American Poet, she also corrected the white American child. I will be terribly disappointed if she’s Yoruba.’
Omolara Eni Aduni Abuah wrote ‘My daughter, who is 22 years old just wrote in a comment section on IG “Who raised her”?
It’s the fact that she didn’t apologise that got me angry the more.’
Igbinidu Charles Osareti wrote ‘She might be granted some understanding if she were a non-Nigerian, born and raised in the Western world, where addressing people by their first names is customary. Even so, cultural sensitivity requires recognizing that she was in a different social and cultural setting. In a public forum, the more appropriate and respectful form of address would have been Mr. Elumelu, in keeping with the formality the occasion demanded.’
Flora Osamor wrote ‘The girl goofed big time.’
Omolara Ayanniyi Garuba wrote
‘This is the video.
After she was corrected she didn’t even pause to apologize before she continued…. I don’t understand the wokeness in this generation o’
Dapo Falade wrote ‘That little rat simply lacks home training’
Fagbamigbe Oseyemi wrote ‘Extremely disrespectful’
Temi Adesola wrote ‘Haba, this is so bad . Alaileko omo,’
Omolafunky Adesotin wrote ‘Very uncut lady haba! Is this generation now this silly’
But Abiodun Adetula has a contrary view while narrating a personal experience, he wrote in a Facebook post titled
WHEN FIRST NAMES BECOME A LESSON IN CORPORATE ETIQUETTE
I watched the exchange involving Tony Elumelu where a lady addressed him simply as “Tony”, and he immediately corrected how she should address him.
It took me back 27 years.
I joined Standard Trust Bank in 1999, when Tony Elumelu was still a relatively young chief executive and the organisation itself had a very different culture.
At STB then, we largely operated on a first name basis.
Tony was Tony.
As the organisation grew, many of us eventually began calling him TOE
But I remember one particular incident that has stayed with me all these years.
A young man had gone through the recruitment process. In those days, before you finally joined Standard Trust Bank, you still had to meet Tony. He was essentially the final point of approval.
The young man met him.
Tony approved his employment, congratulated him and told him to call him Tony, not “Mr. Tony”.
As the man was leaving, he got to the door, stopped, hesitated and turned around. He said something along the lines of:
“Mr. Tony, I am sorry. It will be very difficult for me to call you Tony. I am not used to it. It is not part of my culture.”
Tony simply told him: “Don’t worry. You will get used to it.” And he did. That story teaches something important about corporate culture and public etiquette.
Within an organisation, culture can deliberately redefine how people relate.
A company may encourage everyone to use first names because it wants to reduce hierarchy, make leaders accessible and encourage openness. Once you enter that environment, you gradually learn its language and behavioural norms.
But the corporate culture of an organisation SHOULD NOT automatically be exported into every social or public setting.
FAMILIARITY IS CONTEXTUAL.
The fact that employees call a chief executive by his first name internally DOES NOT automatically mean that everybody, everywhere, should address him in the same way.
And the fact that you see someone constantly on television, LinkedIn, Instagram or X DOES NOT MEAN you have acquired a personal relationship with that person.
This is where etiquette matters.
In a formal interview, conference, business engagement or other public setting, the respectful default is to address the person by their appropriate title and surname, such as Mr. Elumelu, Mrs. Adeyemi, Dr. Okafor, Professor Bello or Chairman Elumelu, depending on the context. Use the person’s first name ONLY when they have clearly invited you to do so.
If someone says, “Please call me Tony”, then Tony is perfectly appropriate.
But permission changes the relationship.
ASSUMPTION DOES NOT!
The deeper lesson here is about professional etiquette and understanding context.
Confidence is NOT THE SAME as familiarity, and informality should NEVER be mistaken for sophistication. Sometimes people become so determined to appear modern, bold or socially equal that they abandon basic professional judgement.
Good etiquette does not make you inferior to another person.
Respecting someone’s office, age, achievement or the formality of an occasion does not diminish you.
It simply shows that you understand context.
Interestingly, I saw both sides of this lesson at Standard Trust Bank 27 years ago.
I saw a leader deliberately creating an informal corporate culture by telling a new employee, “Call me Tony.”
And I saw a young employee whose upbringing made doing so almost psychologically impossible.
Neither story was really about a name.
It was about culture, permission and context. And perhaps that is the principle worth remembering:
Do not manufacture familiarity simply because you know someone’s first name.
In professional and public relationships, begin with respect.
Let familiarity be given, not assumed,’
Iyore Osarebo Ogie concur with the last writer. He wrote ‘It’s unfair to just bash her without understanding her situation. The event was UBA training school graduation. Corporate places like this operate on a first name basis and it’s ingrained in you from day 1.
I don’t blame her, during my graduate training my MD corrected a lady that called him sir. He said in the financial sector you call everyone by their first name. And that’s how it is till date even in most financial sector. It’s important to understand that Nigerians highly value first-name relationships, and it’s essential to learn how to navigate this dynamic with care.
In my own career as well, I’ve worked in places where you address the most senior person with a title before their first name and they will tell you outrightly to call them by first name. So in that environment, it is not out of place for her to call him by his first name, since his company operates a first name basis. I don’t think she set out to be rude, it’s just the situation and environment she was.
The correction TOE gave added “I don’t subscribe to that oyinbo lifestyle” that is to tell you that calling other people by their first name is VERY normal on a global stage in official settings.
However, the Nigerian culture wouldn’t allow it. This is why I wouldn’t be able to refer to him as such. I know what Nigerians like. It shouldn’t be seen as this lady trying to disrespect him.
Where I disagree with her was after the correction. I anticipated an apology from her to TOE before she proceeded to pose her question; however, she bypassed it and continued with her question, which was inappropriate.
Moral lesson : It’s really important to take a moment to understand the social dynamics and cultural context around you before starting a conversation. Being aware of the cultural / Word Choice can make a big difference.’
Watch video below
